Sad, alone, and decisions need making
by CindyRex
Summary: I want to end my existence. How do I do that if I am neither fully living nor fully dead?
1. Chapter 1

I want to end my existence. How do I do that if I am neither fully living nor fully dead? Among those alive I am abused or forgotten. Among the dead I am unwelcome, seen as the greatest threat. There is no place for me in any world. How do I end it all?

Danny lay there spread across his bed. The boy hadn't left his room for three days and his parents were beyond worry. They had no idea what to do anymore. At every meal Maddie would bring a plate up to his room, leaving it in front of his door after a quick knock. Now, as she brought up his dinner it took all her strength to keep herself from bursting into tears. She gently knocked on the door.

"Danny, dear. I brought you diner. It's lasagna." She waited for a response, but all that came was the sound of him shifting in his bed.

"Well, I'll just leave it here. You can get it when you're hungry." With that she set the plate next to the eight other meals already waiting for the boy in front of his door. She didn't have the heart to move a single one, even though they were really starting to smell. She didn't want him to think she was lying when he finally left his room. She hoped he would be comforted by the fact that she really did what she said she would.

Maddie stood there silently in front of her son's room until the sound of the door bell, echoing through the house, snapped her out of her pain filled thoughts.

When Maddie got to the front door she saw exactly who she expected. It was Sam. But, unlike any other visit she had made, this time Tucker wasn't with her

"Please come in Sam. It is so nice of you to have stopped by," Maddie quickly said with a strained smile.

"Thank you Mrs. Fenton. How is he?"

Maddie took in a quick breath of air, attempting to piece together something pleasant to say to the girl in front of her, but after a moment's pause, she just let out her feelings. "I don't know what to do anymore. I got used to him distancing himself from us. I thought it was him growing up, growing more independent, but now. He's locked himself in his room. It's the third day, and he hasn't eaten anything this whole time. I just don't know what I'm supposed to do." With that the tears Maddie had been holding in for what seemed ages flowed freely.

Sam led her to the couch. "Is it okay if I try to talk to him again? I know he hasn't acknowledged us any of the times we have come, but I want to try. I don't want to give up on him."

Maddie could see that the girl was in just as much pain as she was. Deep inside she could tell the girl sitting next to her was in love with her son, but she wasn't sure if Sam had realized it yet. "Go ahead dear, but at this point I don't know what good it will do."

With that Sam left Maddie sobbing on the couch. She climbed the familiar staircase and stood outside the door of her best friend. The boy she cared about more than anyone else in the world.

_Now What?_ She thought to herself. _You know what you want to tell him. The Truth! But what is it exactly that is making him like this? Damn it Fenton! I can't take this!_

Sam thought she had somewhat of an idea what his problem was. Danny had his ghost powers for nearly four years now. The boy was almost 18 and nothing had changed. Even though he had grown and matured so much over the last few years, both mentally AND physically, he still had his problems. He couldn't get rid of the one including Dash and the rest of the football team. Dash still used Danny as his number one target, and although Sam figured Dash was just being jealous of the fact that Danny was about a million time better looking than Dash was, Danny didn't think the same way, and let Dash dish out the pain. Because of it Danny never realized how amazing he actually was, how much certain people really loved him.

The life of his alter ego didn't help him feel any better either. In the human world Danny Phantom, however many lives he saved, still couldn't get rid of the reputation he had gotten at the age of fourteen.

In the ghost zone his list of enemies multiplied by so many that there was no safe place left for him.

As he fought on to save his world, the appreciation he deserved was never given, and instead of gratitude, the world played with his emotions, loving one part of him, but not the other.

After nearly four years the same three people were still the only ones to know his secret. Sam had thought it was enough to show him people cared about both sides of him, but now she was sure she thought wrong.

He had been fine, always a little tired and stressed, but he always seemed his normal happy self. It wasn't until three days ago, when he never left for school, and ignored everyone that came to talk to him that anyone realized that there was something actually wrong.

Now she hadn't seen him for three days straight. She knew something had to be done. He was breaking her heart because of the things she was afraid he would do. She had never felt that much pain before as she did when she thought she couldn't help him, when she thought there was a chance of losing him, and she helped a superhero fight ghosts!

She took a deep breath and knocked on the door. As she expected, she got no response. Tears began to flow freely down her face.

"Danny. Please let me in. I miss you. All I want is to see you. I don't think you realize how much you're scaring me right now." She could hear the pain and tears in her voice, but her attempt to hide them failed. He still didn't respond and she sank to her knees sobbing. She was afraid of his next step. She knew he would do something stupid and she couldn't bear it if he did something to take himself away from her. He was the only person that knew her.

She had no idea how long she sat there crying for the boy she knew she loved.

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Please let me know what you think. The next chapter comming soon, if you guys liked it. My first Danny Phantom fic, so bear with me! 


	2. Chapter 2

Danny Phantom C Butch Hartman

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Danny heard her right outside his door. The strongest person he knew was out there falling apart. Inside he knew it was because of him, but her shown weakness was pushing him further away from her, from the world. He didn't want to see her. He didn't want her to have to see him.

But her sobs needed to be stopped. They were bringing back all of the emotions he thought he had destroyed, pushed back so he didn't have to feel.

He wanted nothing more than to go out and hurt what hurt her. But he was the problem, wasn't he? And he already wanted to hurt himself. But if he hurt himself would he hurt her more, or would she even care?

Danny's head reeled with thoughts. Weird. What he really wanted was for Tucker to be there. It was easy to ignore his friends. But Sam alone brought along so much more. Danny had no idea how long he listened to her sobs, but every second was filled with the ferocious debate of whether or not he should open the door.

_NO! No, you wanted to be alone! You wanted to find a way to end this! _He had been building up his thoughts for too long. He had had no desire to see anyone for weeks. He had put up with the mundane pretenses of life so no one would know what he was going through. So no one would be burdened as he was.

He had managed his desired solitude for three days, but now this girl was out there making him want to open the door and let her in.

Into his room. Into his arms. Into his thoughts.

His thoughts continued fighting, having ideas and changing them every second, and without any inclination as to how he got there, Danny found himself right in front of his door, hand on the door knob. Now all he had to do was turn it.

_What am I going to do? I want to end me, but I don't want to leave her. I'm not supposed to think like this! What am I going to do?_

As Danny stood there fighting with himself, unnoticed tears silently streaked down his face.

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Chapter two up. Took me long enough to post. I have more if there is interest. 


	3. Chapter 3

Danny Phantom C Butch Hartman

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_Stop it! Stop it, stop it, stop it! Stop crying!_

She mentally scolded herself. She was practically throwing a tantrum in her head, trying desperately to make herself calm down. But she was beyond her mind's control now. The sobs broke out of her endlessly. She was completely breaking down, something she had never done before. Something she never thought she ever would do.

"Please, just talk to me", she choked out in a whisper so quiet she couldn't tell if she had actually spoken out loud. All she really wanted was to see his face. Know he was still alright.

Hands clamped onto her arms, pulling her to her feet. Her sobs instantly died in her throat, as did the shaking she hadn't noticed before.

Sam's tears silently continued as she was pulled through the closed door in front of her. She felt like a rag doll as she was dragged across his room and, although gently, was pushed onto his bed.

In her shock, Sam hadn't been able to make her legs move, and now, as she sat there; all she could do was stare at the figure standing before her, tears staining her cheeks.

He had a black sweatshirt on over his clothes, hood pulled up so she couldn't see his face. That didn't stop her from recognizing the figure standing in front of her. The figure she so desperately wanted to wrap her arms around.

Sam didn't have any idea of what to do, what to say. She didn't know what would happen if she broke the silence or made a move to get near him.

The person she was always so comfortable around was actually somewhat frightening, with his rigid stance and tense posture.

Danny just stood there looking down at her. He knew she couldn't see his face, but he could she hers. He could see the stains left behind from her tears. See the pain in her eyes, the shock on her face, the pleading in the set of her brow, and he could see the fear in the way she held herself.

He had her now, there in front of him. The painful, torturous sobs had stopped. That was what he had wanted.

But what was he going to do with her now? He had seen what to do up to the point where she stopped crying, but hadn't thought past that. This catatonic state of mind was making it increasingly more difficult for him to figure out what to do.

He didn't want to talk to her. He didn't want her to talk to him.

What Danny wanted was for Sam to be gone. But he couldn't tell her to leave. And he couldn't push her from the room. When he had touched her before, all the feelings he didn't want to have nearly engulfed him.

Danny stood there staring down at her, as Sam silently stared back up at him, arms wrapped tightly around herself so she wouldn't be tempted to reach out to him.

After time had passed, whether it had been seconds, minutes or hours neither was sure, Danny slowly backed away across his room and into the shadows of a corner. He slid down the wall and sat, hidden in darkness, with his arms wrapped around his legs and his forehead pressed to his knees. He had to get control of himself.

Sam watched him from the bed. The agony he tried so hard not to show was tearing at her heart. She had to help him.

But what could she do? Would he forcibly silence her if she spoke? Would he hurt her if she moved closer to him?

All the trepidation she felt because him, him, who she was always so sure of, were taking away her head on nature and leaving her timid, forlorn, and confused.

_What am I going to do?_

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I couldn't help posting again. I know my chapters are short, but these are good breaking points. Let me know if I can do something to make the reading better. Thanks to everyone for reading this. 


	4. Chapter 4

Danny Phantom C Butch Hartman

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Silently as she could, Sam removed herself from the bed. Slowly and quietly she made her way across his room. When she reached his withdrawn figure she knelt down in front of him, hand outstretched, ready to comfort him. She hesitated, hand inches from him, and then put her hand in her lap, joining it with her other.

She couldn't take it anymore. She couldn't hold back any more.

Gently she wrapped her arms around him. "Danny." she whispered. The word had no meaning, no purpose; she simply had to say his name out loud. It made having him in her arms after three longs days of absence seem much more solid, tangible.

In her embrace she could feel his shoulders trembling and his muscles tight, tense, trying to fight it.

The moment Sam had touched him, Danny felt all his defenses crumble. The pain he tried to end, the fears he faced, the unworthiness he felt, all burst out over the dam he had built inside himself.

What he wanted more than anything was to tell her everything he felt, to tell her everything. But he wouldn't burden her. He couldn't make anyone have to live with the thoughts and feelings he had. Especially not her.

Danny fought desperately for control, biting back tears, trying to relax his tight muscles. He fought futilely to push everything back behind the barricade.

Sam felt him struggling. Then she felt his arms wrap around her. Saw his head, still hidden beneath the hood, lift up and lean toward her.

"Sam," he whispered in her ear with a voice hoarse from disuse. "I am sorry for everything." His voice was apprehensive and strained. "I can't force my burdens on you, or anyone else. It will all be over soon. I am so sorry for making you cry. Soon I won't be able to anymore. Goodbye Sam."

With that Danny got up and headed toward the window, ready to fly into the darkening sky.

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This story has a place to go, trust me on this. Short chapter. The next one is my favorite so far. As always, let me know if I can tdo anything to make this story mo enjoyable for you, the readers. I have everything played out in my head, so it is enjoyable for me already, but if I can do anything, don't hesitate to let me know. Until next time, thank you so much for reading!


	5. Chapter 5

Danny Phantom C Butch Hartman

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Sam's shocked silence ended the moment she saw him turn to go. She knew that if he left now he wouldn't be back. That it would be the end.

"Danny! Stop this now!" Sam said forcefully and full of concern. She reached out and grabbed his arm just before he reached the window. He turned to face her as she pulled on his arm, and the quick as light movement made his hood fall back.

He hadn't expected that. His expression was filled with fury at her for not letting him go when he had the ability, the mindset, to. He hadn't meant for her to see his face, but it was too late to change what she had already seen.

Danny saw her face slowly change from determination to fear and confusion, and the fresh tears that began to form in her eyes made his hard expression melt into something much softer.

"Please Sam," he begged. "Just let me go." He could feel the pleading expression creep over his face.

"No Danny. Stay. Tell me what happened. Tell me what is going on." Sam stared at him intensely, her eyes searching his for some clue as to what he wasn't telling her.

"Sam, let me go. Before it's too late. Just let me go." Dry tears could be heard in Danny's voice.

"Before it's too late for what, Danny?"

"Before I can't make myself go. I need to do this Sam."

"No Danny. You don't. Tell me."

She was staring so intensely into his eyes, Danny had no idea what to do. He didn't want to explain why he had locked himself away from everyone. Why he had to leave, to end. Why he had dark circles under his eyes from no sleep, and why long red scratches ran down the left side of his face.

He had to get out.

He felt the seams that held him together strain, near tearing him apart.

He couldn't lose control. He had to go now. It wasn't a choice.

Sam saw the panic in his face. She saw him turn away from her again. She couldn't let him go. Not like this. Her determination would not fail her.

In a split second, before Danny could take two whole steps towards the window, Sam launched herself at his retreating form.

Mid step, Danny felt her arms wrap tightly around his waist. She clung to him as though she were hanging on for his life. He could feel her body pressed against his back.

There had been a time, a time not too long ago, when all he dreamed about was being this close to the very girl wrapped around him now.

Danny struggled with everything he had not to let his will to leave, without ever looking back, disappear.

His struggles failed.

He could feel the tears he worked so hard to hide from everyone spill over his cheeks. He could feel his body tremble in her grasp, and his shoulders slouch in defeat. Just like that, he failed.

_No. I'll tell her what she wants, and then I will leave. I have to leave. She will understand and I will go. Just a little longer and it will be over._

Sam felt his body move, but she didn't let go. She couldn't let go.

He had completely turned around and now she was leaning into his chest instead of his back. That hadn't been the movement she expected from him.

She felt his strong arms wrap around her shoulders and a tear that didn't belong to her fall onto her cheek. He was still trembling, and, as she looked up at his face, she saw the tears.

He looked so sad. So lost.

Sam held his gaze until he leaned forward, his soft black hair brushing along the side of her face. She was so close she could smell him, the scent that secretly made her feel at home.

Then softly, slowly, defeated, he whispered into her ear.

"I'll tell you everything you want to know."

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Thank you for reading. I love this chapter (so much that I can't help posting it right away). There is more to come, I'll update as soon as I can. If there is anything I can do to make reading my work more enjoyable, please let me know. 


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